Operation Phlint
by Silver Mirror
Summary: Tony has decided that Coulson needs to get laid and plans on talking to Clint to find out what type of woman Coulson would go for but a discovery has him rethinking his plan all together and Operation Phlint is born. SLASH


**A/N: A late inspired Valentine's Day story which took longer then I had thought it would to type out and proofread, but had a lot of fun writing this story and it was hard ending it where I did as this story wanted to continue going a bit longer but I have to get back to writing my other story. So thank you in advance for reading and I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"We need to get Coulson laid."

Steve pushed himself up and stared down at his partner in disbelief. That wasn't what he expected to hear after a morning of marathon sex. "I beg your pardon?" Maybe he had heard wrong.

"Coulson, he needs to get laid." Tony repeated, his eyes narrowing. "Do you know what day it is?"

"Umm… the tenth I think." Steve's brain was still scrambled and he was rather unsure where this was all coming from. "Why?"

"It's only a few days before Valentine's Day." Tony replied as if that simple deceleration would explain everything.

"Okay." Steve said slowly. "What does that have to do with getting Phil laid?"

"It's been two years since the whole Loki thing." Tony started as he waved his hand in the air. "You and I are together, Bruce has Betty, Thor has Jane and our two super assassins are shacked up no matter how often they say otherwise."

"Actually they're not…" Steve started then shook his head. Nothing he could say or do would stop Tony from his one man mission. "So what is your plan?"

"Well, after Phil was released from medical I actually tried finding his cellist but had no luck. So now I need to gather the right information and discover exactly what type of women Coulson likes." Tony smiled as he sat up. "So now I just have to make a few inquiries."

"What are you going to do? Go and ask Phil himself?" Steve asked as he got out of bed.

"Don't be silly Steve, he can't know about this, not yet anyway." Tony said as he followed Steve into the bathroom. "No, I'm going to ask Clint and Natasha. Those two know Coulson better than anyone else."

"Uh huh." Steve just nodded as he turned on the shower and adjusted the water temperature. "Well, you can go and corner them after we've had a shower, how does that sound?"

"Sounds good, maybe we can make a lunch out of it." Tony smiled as he stepped into the shower.

"I'm not getting myself involved in this." Steve said as he sank down to his knees. "And you are not allowed to talk about our co-workers love lives or lack thereof while I have your dick in my mouth."

"Ooh, Steve I love when you talk dirty to me." Tony smirked as he looked down at Steve. "Why don't you…" Tony broke off in a moan. "Oh god Steve, you're amazing."

Steve just hummed in agreement.

* * *

"Hey Katniss, where is that girlfriend of yours?" Tony asked as he walked into the kitchen followed by Steve.

"Told you before Stark, Natasha is just my friend and nothing more." Clint said as he shut the fridge door. "And if you must know, she's gone to spend the next couple of weeks with her girlfriend in Malibu."

"Oh very funny Barton, Natasha doesn't know anyone who lives in Malibu, besides Pepper and myself." Tony replied. "Now where is she really?"

Steve just shrugged his shoulders at the 'are you kidding me' look being sent his way by Clint. "I started to tell him earlier that you two aren't together but didn't see the point as I knew he wouldn't believe me. Now if you two will excuse me, I'm going to go hit the gym for a bit."

"This morning wasn't enough of a workout for you?" Tony asked as Steve leaned down and kissed him.

"Nope, guess you'll have to try harder next time old man." Steve teased as he headed out of the kitchen.

"Old man." Tony scoffed as he turned back to face Clint. "Can you believe him? Old man my… oh my god! The only girl she knows in Malibu is my ex-girlfriend! When the hell did this happen and when the hell did you two break up?"

"Seriously Stark, Nat and I have never been together. One reason being we are both gay and even if we weren't she's like a sister to me and that would just be wrong." Clint shuddered. "Also they got together not long after you and Steve. Like you always said, the breakup was a mutually thing and you both moved on."

"Well, yes but Pepper and I've known each other for years and she didn't tell me she was dating Natasha."

"Like how you've told her about Steve?"

"Point taken but I'm sure Natasha has told her."

"I've never asked." Clint replied with a shrug. "Anyway, you appeared to be looking for either myself or Nat when you walked into the kitchen."

"I was looking for both of you but one will do just fine." Tony replied as he glanced over his shoulder. "But it isn't safe to talk here, come on I'll buy you lunch and we can discuss what I have planned over a meal."

"Oh god, I'm not even sure I want to hear what ever crazy scheme you've brewed up in your head."

"Trust me; this plan is all about making the life of one I'm sure you care a great deal for all the more better." Tony smiled as he wrapped an arm around Clint's shoulders.

"Why does this sound like you are preparing to butt into someone's love life?"

"Not butt into but improve Barton. Just you wait, once you've heard my amazing idea you'll be begging to join me on this mission." Tony smirked as they entered the elevator.

"God this so reminds me of the time Phil's sister came into town trying to set him up with all these different women." Clint laughed. "Of course when Phil finally came clean to Abby and told her he was gay she just tried setting him up with men."

Tony came to a sudden halt in the middle of the lobby. "I would have never guessed that Coulson was gay."

Clint blushed as he realized that the story he just shared shouldn't have been shared with his present company. "Don't tell him I told you that. It's not really a secret as most of the higher clearance level agents know it's just not really any of my business to be telling people."

"I'm not going to say a word." Tony promised as he reached out to pull Clint out of the building. "Though this really does explain why I couldn't find that cellist two years ago as I was looking for a woman."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the cellist was never a thing." Clint replied as glanced around the burger joint Tony had pulled him into. "Okay we're here, now will you at least tell me who were here to talk about."

Tony opened his mouth to start telling the other man how he thinks they should hook their handler up with someone when a better idea came to mind. "I was thinking that everyone needs someone to go home to and I recently discovered that the Director of SHIELD goes home alone each night that is if he goes home at all."

"Seriously Tony, Fury? You dragged me all the way down here discuss Fury's love life." Clint glared at the other man. "Why on earth would have to leave the tower to discuss this, Fury never comes there."

"Your right, it's a completely dumb idea and I don't know what I was thinking."

"Umm, okay." Clint blinked.

"So instead let's talk about my plans for this Valentine's Day. This is my first with Steve and I want to do it right and make it special." Tony put on one his most innocent smiles while inwardly patting himself on the back. There is no way Steve could say no to this idea and maybe he could also rope Banner in on this.

* * *

"Okay people, new plan." Tony smiled as he all but sailed into the kitchen where Steve and Bruce were sitting.

"Oh god, do I even want to know?" Bruce asked as he took in the look of pure glee on Tony's face.

"Clint had the same reaction when I mentioned to him I had a plan."

"Gee, I wonder why." Bruce muttered.

"Heard that." Tony shot Bruce a quick glance. "At any rate I never ended up filling Clint in on the plan, at least not the true one. I'm thinking of calling it Operation Phlint."

"Phlint?" Steve frowned. "What kind of operation name is that one?"

"It's two people's names put together, sometimes used for couples like Brangelina or in your guy's case Stony." Bruce explained. "I get the second half is Clint but who's name makes up the first half?"

"Coulson." Tony answered as he frowned at the coffee machine.

"Okay you went out to lunch with Clint to gather information on the type of women Phil likes and you came back wanting to set the two of them up. How on earth did that happen?" Steve asked, as he lightly patted Bruce on his back as the other man was choking on his tea.

"Well, yes that was the plan but Clint accidently let it slip that women weren't even close to be Coulson's type and since both are gay and single it's the perfect matchup. Plus their already good friends who have known each other for ten or more years so their won't be any of the awkward getting to know you bullshit." Tony grinned as he finally got the coffee machine to work. "I have the best plan already in place. I've roped Clint into helping me arrange what he thinks is a romantic night for Steve and I, when actually it will be for him and Coulson. But I'll need one of you to keep Coulson unsuspecting and to make sure that he arrives at the appropriate spot for Operation Phlint."

"Oh no, count me out." Bruce said as he quickly got up. "Besides Betty is arriving in New York tonight for the week and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. But I wish you the best of luck."

"Well, he's no fun." Tony said, frowning at Bruce's retreating back before turning towards Steve. "So what do you say oh love of my life? I know you and Coulson have become good friends, don't you want your friend to be happy?"

"Of course I want him to be happy." Steve answered as he tried to avoid the puppy eyed look Tony was giving him. "All right I'll help but I'm only distracting him and that's it."

"Also you need to get him to the appropriate place and time for Operation Phlint."

"Yes, I'll do that as well but that is it." Steve answered.

"Thanks Steve. I'm going to go down to the range and start bugging Clint on ideas right away. Only have a few days to plan and pull this thing off." Tony planted a big kiss on Steve before heading out of the kitchen.

"Tony." Steve called out, causing the other man to turn. "I love you."

"Love you too Steve." Tony replied as he blew Steve a kiss.

Steve smiled as he watched the other man leave. Once he was sure that Tony was out of hearing range he pulled out his cell phone.

"Coulson."

"Hey Phil it's me, so they are both officially distracted until Valentine's Day."

"Good work Captain."

"I didn't do anything actually; it was all Tony's idea. He has Clint thinking he's helping Tony prepare a romantic evening for Tony and myself."

"What do you mean has Clint thinking? What on earth is he really planning?"

"I can't go over details of the plan here but meet me at the bar around the corner at six and I'll tell you all about Tony's Operation Phlint." Steve smirked at the other man's reaction to that.

"Why does that sound more like Operation get Phil laid? You know what, no; I don't wish to be thinking about what is going on in Stark's mind while I'm trying to work. I'll see you at six Steve."

"See you then." Steve chuckled as he put away his phone and glanced over at the clock, he had several hours to kill before meeting Phil. Quickly deciding he grabbed his sketch book from the table and headed towards the elevators, it was too nice of a day to spend it locked inside with nothing to do and he had some planning of his own.

_Valentine's Day_

"I still don't understand why you didn't want to plan all of this in yours and Steve's suite." Clint grunted as he shoved the bed where Tony wanted it. "Or why I agreed to help, since I appear to be doing all the work." Clint muttered this last bit under his breath.

"It would hardly be a surprise if I did all of this in our suite." Tony replied as he glanced around the room. "Besides being all the way down in my lab surrounded by soundproof glass, just imagine."

"I'd rather not." Clint replied drily.

"Do you think Coulson is a screamer?" Tony asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Okay, what the hell Tony! All week you've been asking me weird sexually questions about Phil, what is going on?" Clint asked as he glared at Tony.

"Nothing, I was merely curious." Tony paused as he studied the bed. "You know, I think I prefer the bed in the spot we originally had it in."

"I'm not lifting a finger Tony, not until you tell me what the hell is going on and what it has to do with Coulson."

"Okay, fine!" Tony tossed his hands up. "I've just noticed that Coulson has been rather stressed lately, so I decided that he needed to get laid so I came up with this entire operation plan…"

"And Steve is okay with all of this?" Clint asked, cutting Tony off.

"Well, at first he didn't want to get involved in all this but Steve only want's Coulson to be happy, they are friends you know."

"So what you're planning some weird threesome?" Clint asked angrily.

"What?" Tony asked shocked.

"Not really the most romantic idea for yours and Steve's first Valentine's Day if you ask me." Clint spat out.

"Wait, no you're totally wrong about this." Tony said as he took a step forward.

"Oh please, why else would you be asking all these weird questions about Phil." Clint yelled as he crossed the lab and threw the door open. "And I hate to break it to you Tony, but Phil's married and has been for years."

Tony winced as the door was slammed shut. "Well, that went spectacularly bad." Sighing, Tony glanced at the clock and winced when he realized he was supposed to meet Steve in their suite ten minutes ago. "Jarvis, can you let Steve know I'm on my way."

"Certainly Sir."

"Thanks." Tony pocketed his cell phone before making his way to the elevator. Several minutes later he was walking into their suite and pulling off his hoodie. Tony paused in the entrance way as he suddenly realized how dark it was. "Steve?"

"I'm in the bedroom."

"Sorry I'm late babe, but Operation Phlint blew up in my face. First Clint blew up at me thinking I had plotted some weird threesome between us and Coulson and then he tossed out the fact that the other man was married before storming out of the lab. Did you have any idea Coulson was married? Because I sure the heck didn't and now I'm pretty sure Clint is suffering from some unrequited love for Coulson and I don't know how to fix all of this."

"You can't fix everything Tony." Steve replied just as Tony walked into the bedroom.

"I know but I feel awful…" Tony came to a quick halt as he took in the candle lit room. "Oh wow, this is the outfit I like you in best Steve."

"I'm not wearing anything." Steve replied as a faint blush crossed his cheeks.

"Exactly." Tony replied as he his eyes slowly moved back up the other man's body. "Happy Valentine's Day Steve."

"Happy Valentine's Day Tony, now get undressed and join me."

"Certainly Captain."

* * *

"The goddamn nerve of that man, he's insufferable." Clint growled to himself as he slammed his phone down on the kitchen counter in his suite.

"There is only one man in this entire Tower that you could possible be talking about."

Clint spun around not expecting anyone else to be in his suite this late. "Your home! I thought you had to work late tonight."

"Work late rather than spend Valentine's Day with my husband? Never, besides I missed last year's so the way I see it I have some making up to do."

Clint rushed forward into the other man's arms. "You're here now and that's all that matters."

Phil smiled as he wrapped his arms around the younger man and pulled him into a soft kiss. "So tell me, what did Stark do that got you so angry. You two are usually really close."

"Well, it started on Sunday when Tony dragged me out of the tower to go over some crazy plan of his which apparently involved discussing Fury's sex life which after walking in on him and Hill I know far too much about already. Then he's quickly changing things and next thing I know he's roped me into helping Tony arrange his Valentine's Day surprise for Steve except the entire time he's asking me weird sex related questions about you." Clint's eyes narrowed as the event from the lab flashed forward into his mind once again. "Turns out Tony was planning a threesome guest staring you."

"What?" Phil's voice came out strangled. "That's not what Steve told me was going on."

"What?" Clint echoed. "You knew about this?"

"Steve and I got together on Sunday night and he told me all about Tony's Operation Phlint." Phil chuckled. "Apparently Tony got it into his head on Sunday morning that I needed to get laid so he was going to try and set me up with a woman but something you said to him had him adjusting his plan to setting up the two of us, hence Operation Phlint."

Clint winced slightly as he realized exactly when Tony adjusted his plan. "Well, that really makes this week a whole lot clearer."

Phil chuckled. "I just can't believe you actually thought Tony was arranging some threesome between him, Steve and me."

"Shut up, you would have thought the same thing if you heard the question's Tony was asking about you. The finally straw was when he asked me if I thought you were a screamer." Clint pulled back to study Phil's face. "You should know I let it slip that your married so be prepared for him to hound you about that one."

"Let's not worry about Stark anymore tonight." Phil said as he began leading Clint into their bedroom. "Also you should know that I got a text from Jasper earlier, he's date is going really well and he wanted me to thank you for setting it up."

"I told you he and Eric would hit it off." Clint beamed as his finger's made quick work of Phil's tie.

"I never doubted you." Phil smiled as he unzipped Clint's vest and pushed it off. "But enough talk for now."

Clint hummed in agreement as he finished unbuttoning Phil's dress shirt. "I love you Phil."

Phil moved forward and pushed the archer down onto the bed. "I love you too." Phil replied before lowering down and claiming Clint's lips with his.

* * *

"I still can't believe you turned down breakfast in bed." Steve sighed as he followed Tony down the hallway that lead to the community kitchen used by everyone in the tower.

"After what happened with Clint yesterday I really want to make sure he's okay." Tony replied. "I figure the least we can do is make sure he doesn't have to sit and eat breakfast alone after spending Valentine's Day night all alone."

Steve smiled knowing the archer hadn't spent the night alone but it really wasn't his place to say anything. "Well, in that case are you volunteering to make us all breakfast?"

"You know I can't cook to save my life, I plan on making… oh my god my eyes." Tony came to an abrupt halt and threw his hands up. "Come on you two, we prepare food on that counter."

"We haven't done anything on this counter yet; go away so we can finish what we started." Clint retorted as he brought Phil's mouth back to his.

"What the hell is going on in here? You told me last night that Phil is married!" Tony said as he moved forward and poked Clint in the side.

"Ouch, dammit Tony, go away." Clint growled as he swatted at Tony's hand.

"No, I'm demanding answers and I'm not leaving until I get them." Tony said as he crossed his arms.

"You're the genius why don't you figure it out." Clint replied as he jumped down from the counter.

"Would you like some coffee Phil?" Steve asked as he navigated his way to the coffee machine.

"Please." Phil replied as he moved to the fridge to pull out the creamer. "Clint and I were about to start making breakfast if the two of you want to join us, unless you've eaten already of course."

"We haven't actually so we'd love to join you, wouldn't we Tony." Steve said as he turned towards the other man.

Tony was too busy looking back and forth between Phil and Clint to answer. "Wait a second, are you two married?"

"Yep, going on six years now." Clint smiled as he snuggled against Phil.

"Did you know about this?" Tony asked as he turned to face Steve.

"I might have known they were together but not that their married." Steve answered.

"Not many people know, mostly just our friends and my family." Phil shrugged.

"We just didn't want people at SHIELD thinking that Phil was abusing his position of power." Clint added.

"Or that you were sleeping with your handler to get a higher clearance level."

"You know that we wouldn't have thought any of those things. You two are our friends, hell your both practically family." Tony told them.

"It's not that we don't trust you guys it's just that we've gotten so use to keeping it a secret." Clint replied.

"Well, don't worry, your secret is safe with us." Steve promised.

"Actually, I was thinking that it was time that we told all of you."

"Seriously?" Clint asked as he spun in Phil's arms. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes, I'm getting tired of having to sneak around with my husband. I'm not ashamed of us, of you." Phil said as he pulled Clint into a kiss.

"Okay you two; let's tamper it down on the PDA in the community kitchen." Tony spoke up as he noticed the pair's wondering hands.

"Buzz-kill." Clint replied as he pulled away from Phil. "You and I will finish this after breakfast."

"You got a deal." Phil smiled before glancing over at Tony. "Who are you texting?"

"Bruce, telling him Operation Phlint didn't work out as planned but everything still had a happy ending." Tony replied as he hit send. "Now what are we having for breakfast?"


End file.
